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Red Alert: Are you dating a Prospect or a Suspect?

Red Alert: Are you dating a Prospect or a Suspect?

Prospect2Red Alert: Are you dating a Prospect or a Suspect?

– Identifying and avoiding time wasters
– Avoiding 7 common errors singles make
– Attracting and keeping your dream spouse

Day: Tuesday, 22nd December 2015
Time: 6pm GMT
Venue: http://foundationforfamilyaffairs.org/are-you-dating-a-prospect-or-a-suspect

Format: Interactive, including Q & A

                          …Be here!

Please click on the comments section to read the contributions

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Comments (72)

  • ffablog Reply

    …Counting down!

    December 22, 2015 at 3:36 pm
  • Anonymous Reply

    Expectant!

    December 22, 2015 at 4:56 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Great evening, wonderful people. All you have to do to participate is to leave your comments and contributions on the comment section

      December 22, 2015 at 6:00 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    Please, feel free to read without commenting. However, we want it to be as interactive as possible.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:02 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    Good evening, Sir. Its great to be here

    December 22, 2015 at 6:03 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    Hope you are having a great day?

    December 22, 2015 at 6:03 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    Great evening @ Chinwe. Welcome on board!

    December 22, 2015 at 6:04 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    We have a very important topic to discuss today…Red Alert

    December 22, 2015 at 6:06 pm
  • Bimpe Reply

    Great to be here!

    December 22, 2015 at 6:06 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    I will like to begin with a true story. Yesterday, I had a counselling session with a lady who gave me the permission to share her story.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:08 pm
    • Bimpe Reply

      I think not knowing who one is or not having an idea of one’s purpose or a wrong identity

      December 22, 2015 at 6:27 pm
      • ffablog Reply

        Excellent point @ Bimpe…marriage is for destiny. If you don’t know who you are, what you are here (earth) to do, how will you know who you need to fulfil destiny?

        December 22, 2015 at 6:34 pm
    • Aramide Reply

      When you don’t know what you want, you’d accept just about anything.

      December 22, 2015 at 6:29 pm
      • ffablog Reply

        Awesome @ Aramide. If you ask some people what they want, they will tell you, “I just want to be married. I need to leave my parents’ house.”

        December 22, 2015 at 6:36 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    A special welcome to Bimpe

    December 22, 2015 at 6:15 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    However, let’s have a brief chat. What is responsible for wrong choices as regards choosing a life partner? I will like to get some feedback.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:18 pm
  • Anonymous Reply

    Sometimes, people are too desperate to wait and think

    December 22, 2015 at 6:20 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Hmmmm, very true @ anonymous. Sometimes, societal pressures from parents who want grandchildren, friends who intimidate with their wives and wedding bands, the disregard and stigma some singles experience in some cultures can be daunting

      December 22, 2015 at 6:32 pm
  • Mary Thomas Reply

    Good evening everyone. I think we could relate that to peer pressure – all my mates are married and they keep wanting to get me hitched to their husbands’ friends. That, is enough temptation and pressure to rush and mistakes often occur when things are done in a hurry.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:27 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Thumbs up at Mary… This is a major reason. Desperate people often do desperate things

      December 22, 2015 at 6:37 pm
    • SM Reply

      Nice one

      December 22, 2015 at 8:40 pm
  • Bimpe Reply

    Sometimes pressure to get married both from ourselves or others

    December 22, 2015 at 6:28 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    sometimes people are in a haste to marry. in addition, societal or family pressures may be responsible. Again, not paying attention to some wrong signs.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:30 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    The lady I mentioned earlier gave me the permission to share her story. She is presently considering the process of divorce after being married for less than 4 years.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:41 pm
  • Aramide Reply

    When you don’t know what you want, just about anything is okay as long as you’re married. Many ladies have created fantasies of a perfect marriage – without any effort on their part of course. Creating stereotype young, dashing and handsome guys without looking deeper. Forgetting that there’s more to a person than outlooks.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:42 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Spot on! There is more to a person than looks. Looks are important, however, we must seek to know the core of the person, which I will be sharing soon.

      December 22, 2015 at 6:51 pm
  • Nwabunwanne Reply

    Good evening everyone. Good to be here

    December 22, 2015 at 6:47 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Welcome on board, Nwabunwanne

      December 22, 2015 at 6:49 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    She stated that she did not really date the guy nor did she know him so well. She just wanted to get married because prior to that time, she had been involved in many failed relationships. Hence, when she was introduced to this person, she jumped at it.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:49 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    To add more to the common errors singles make… I will be including the following:

    December 22, 2015 at 6:53 pm
  • Nwabunwanne Reply

    Not seeking the right counsel is another factor

    December 22, 2015 at 6:54 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Great point at Nwabunwanne. Wisdom is the principal thing. It is very important to learn from other people’s mistakes and successes. “In a multitude of counsel, there is safety.”

      December 22, 2015 at 7:00 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    1. Spiritual incompatibility

    December 22, 2015 at 6:54 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    This is the core of who we are. Man/woman is a spirit who lives in a body. Hence, marrying someone who shares the core of your beliefs and faith is very very important. This is where we sometimes draw our sense of identity from; our moral code/ethics.

    December 22, 2015 at 6:57 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    Ask a lot of questions… even Christians differ based on doctrines. Don’t assume, “assumption is the lowest level of knowledge” Sam Adeyemi

    December 22, 2015 at 6:59 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    2. Using sex to keep the relationship going – trying to use sex to keep your commitment. Sex before marriage changes the dynamics of the relationship. People become blind to potential red alerts because the only thing they are preoccupied with is sex.

    More so, sex lays the wrong foundation for your marriage, bringing God’s anger upon your unformed union. What a way to begin!

    Don’t marry a stranger

    December 22, 2015 at 7:05 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    very true

    December 22, 2015 at 7:08 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    3. We have mentioned this before. Sometimes, singles don’t investigate the background and history of the individual. This includes their financial status, family, etc. The family of your potential spouse can make life miserable for you directly or indirectly. It is good to pay visits to their family home, listen carefully and prayerfully because at this stage, people would be trying to make a positive impression. Ask questions about family histories, talk with people who know them well. Some years ago, people visit families to investigate…. If we investigate to hire staff for our companies, why do we do less when getting married?

    December 22, 2015 at 7:13 pm
  • Anonymous Reply

    Hmmm @people will be trying to make a positive impression.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:18 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    hmmm…family history, very important.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:20 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    4. Disclosing all too soon. Transparency in relationship is very important. It makes relating with each other much easier and peaceful. However, it is good to practise the principle of progressive disclosure. The first few days are not the time for the person to know all about your past, especially when the past is not very interesting. Allow the relationship some time to grow. …Just like the lady who told a suitor the number of abortions she carried out as a naive teenager, only to find him acting cold and disconnected till the relationship died a natural death.

    As you build trust and intimacy, you will begin to disclose. It is called progressive disclosure, don’t dump your whole life on someone’s lap before they have the chance to know your wonderful side. However, certain issues must not be left undiscussed for too long as they can raise trust issues.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:20 pm
  • Anonymous Reply

    From experience, I have come to know that some members of the suitor’s family try to cover up his weaknesses, portraying him as faultless. After marriage, they will team up with him to deal with you, of course, after giving them their grandchildren.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:22 pm
  • Princess Reply

    Is spiritual compatibility more than just being born again and perhaps the same body of Christ?
    Does it have something to do with depth of spiritual understanding and commitment?

    December 22, 2015 at 7:26 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Being Born Again is the foundation, but beyond this, we must also look out for their walk with God. This is because people who have an active walk with God will keep growing and changing.

      We mentioned church doctrines because some churches believe that church is more important than the family. Hence, one’s spouse may be called for official duty or transferred to another location at short notice. We think that the family was created before the church in God’s order of things. In fact, to be appointed a Bishop, a man’s family is an important credential.

      December 22, 2015 at 7:42 pm
  • IFEOMA Reply

    one of the reasons we women marry anybody is the fact that society looks down on single women. its now a competition to be married.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:27 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    hmm, @ anonymous, I agree with you. I have seen it happen.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:29 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    5. Putting the responsibility for your self-esteem and happiness on your partner. Many single individuals get into relationships, looking for who will complete, nurture and make them happy. The challenge with these expectations is that they are your responsibilities. If you are not a happy person, enjoying your own company, nobody can really help you. Expecting this from another human being is to set the relationship up to fail before it has a chance. You must come from a place of wholeness and abundance, not lack. You must come into a relationship, not as a dependent person, but as an independent individual. Your coming together would now become an interdependent relationship, with both of you supporting each other

    December 22, 2015 at 7:31 pm
  • IFEOMA Reply

    society does not make it easy for single women.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:35 pm
    • Chinwe Reply

      very true. Ifeoma

      December 22, 2015 at 7:38 pm
  • Nwabunwanne Reply

    Waoo Investigation very important.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:38 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    About investigation, someone told me it is important to look at certain traits associated with certain families or even tribes

    December 22, 2015 at 7:39 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      True @ Chinwe, we must watch and pray. Don’t just pray. Have a clear leading from God to go ahead. I know of someone who married an individual with sickle cell anaemia based on God’s leading and today, they are waxing strong!

      December 22, 2015 at 7:45 pm
      • Chinwe Reply

        I love that..”watch and pray, not just pray”

        December 22, 2015 at 7:47 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    6. Jumping into a relationship to escape home, pain or shame of past relationships. You don’t jump into marriage to escape… marriage is for mature people. You need excellent relationship and conflict management skills. Hence, escaping one relationship will not guarantee you haven in marriage. I know of a powerful and loaded sister who jumped into a marriage to escape the shame of being disappointed by a brother she was hoping will ask her out. Today, she is a shadow of herself.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:48 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    7. Not growing in value. People make relationships what they are. Hence, considering that people are dynamic, always changing, it is expected that you keep growing in your thinking pattern, attitude, achievements and walk with God. Otherwise, if your spouse-to-be outgrows you, he or she may become bored in the relationship. This is sometimes, the reason why some people walk away from their childhood sweethearts or someone who sponsored them through school with the agreement of marriage. When you remain stagnant, you can gradually grow apart because of mental incompatibility.

    December 22, 2015 at 7:55 pm
    • Chinwe Reply

      hmmm, mental incompatibility. A strong point

      December 22, 2015 at 8:02 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    IDENTIFYING TIME WASTERS
    No definite agenda for the relationship. People who don’t have clear agenda for the relationship, with no timelines, need to be scrutinized. Without goals and targets, we cannot measure progress. Hence, if someone you are dating is not keen on moving the relationship to the next level after about 6 months, you need to check him/her out.

    He/she must be making effort to incorporate you into their circle of friends. People flaunt whatever they are proud of. Hence, if you are in an unknown relationship, in the dark or the back burner, hmmm… Please view and subscribe to our Youtube channel, we discussed this topic elaborately here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueFsx3tx4rw

    Also, individuals who don’t have definite plans for their lives which they are working towards (not just all-talk and no action) don’t need a spouse yet, they need direction. If you hook up with someone going nowhere, he will take you in the same direction fast. Find out where you are going before ‘hiring’ a helper.

    Also, if he/she does not make sacrifices for the relationship. When people keep giving excuses about the relationship, not keeping in touch, not communicating, not adding value to your life, etc., you need to take a critical look. We would be rounding off in 15mins time.

    December 22, 2015 at 8:08 pm
    • Aramide Reply

      Which is why I want to gain direction before getting in to ANY relationship

      December 22, 2015 at 9:24 pm
      • ffablog Reply

        🙂

        December 23, 2015 at 6:44 am
  • ffablog Reply

    ATTRACTING AND KEEPING YOUR DREAM SPOUSE

    1. Look for similarities in values. Values determine our decisions, friends and our future direction. Hence, it is important you check out for similarities in values. Values of integrity, honesty, hardwork, excellence in speech, environment, appearance, service, love, etc.

    2. Listening skills. This is important for effective communication. People want to be heard, so learn to ask questions and listen. Listening to hear beyond what they are saying. Don’t just listen to respond, but to understand.

    3. Add value to his/her life

    4. Understand them…their temperament and priorities.

    5. Study their relationships, you can know a lot about them by observing their inner circle.

    6. Be yourself; pretending is tough.

    7. Define the boundaries of mutual respect. Don’t engage in sex, set ground rules, you earn respect this way.

    December 22, 2015 at 8:18 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    Please ask questions, if you have any.

    December 22, 2015 at 8:19 pm
  • Anonymous Reply

    I have been in a relationship for about 2years and 8months, but he has not said anything about getting married. My greatest concern is pulling out now after all these years and he supported me at some point. I wonder if I can live with the guilt.

    December 22, 2015 at 8:25 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Wow! 2 years and 8 months? Why that long? Most times, guys know what they want. If he was going to ask you out, he would have done so by now. However, some guys are too laid back, they only take action when they sense someone ‘better’ is coming to take the lady. Hence, I will suggest you call for a meeting in which you will politely ask him of his plans, where does he see the relationship progressing to. Sometimes, it is better to be alone than to waste years with time wasters. Those around you, including you, think you have something special going on. Do not wait until you receive his wedding card, take charge of your destiny.

      December 22, 2015 at 8:43 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    my dear @ Anonymous. You need to know why he is keeping silent and the only way to do so is to ask him . You should politely ask him where the relationship is heading to. Ask him the plans he has for the future and find out your place in his future. There is nothing wrong in asking. with a good approach , i wont look like an act of desperation.

    For me , that he supported you in any way should not be a major reason for marrying him. Marrying him is not the best way to show appreciation.
    In addition, I advise you go through the all the points discussed above,Im sure they will help.
    As a single person , you still have the opportunity to make the right choice.

    All the best dear

    December 22, 2015 at 8:49 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Awesome point…@ Chinwe “marrying him is not the best way to show appreiation”.

      December 22, 2015 at 8:53 pm
  • ffablog Reply

    Thank you all for your questions, comments, contributions and for joining us from different parts of the globe. Your marriage shall be a model, you shall not make a mistake nor regret your choice in Jesus name!

    December 22, 2015 at 8:57 pm
  • Chinwe Reply

    What is the best way of investigating a potential spouse’s family? knowing that some families might hide certain information from the other partner.

    December 22, 2015 at 9:09 pm
    • ffablog Reply

      Hmm, this is a very important question @ Chinwe. The first thing is to truly desire to know about their background. Sometimes, a part of us wants to know, while the other part doesn’t because we are concerned that we may not be able to handle what we find out. Hence, if you truly desire to know, you can sincerely ask God for help. He will orchestrate events that will drop information on your lap, without you struggling. Also, if you know people who know their family, you can ask questions without disclosing your intentions because you need unbiased responses from them. Finally, you can go with trusted and experienced people to pay a visit to their family, including their place of origin where necessary, you may stumble upon key information. The goal here is not about marrying a perfect person, not at all. The goal is to know a few things so that you will be able to make informed decisions.

      NB: You must have inner peace to begin with.

      December 23, 2015 at 6:31 am
  • Nwabunwanne Reply

    Amen. Thanks very much for tonight discussion. Great lesson for me. Good night all.

    December 22, 2015 at 9:09 pm
  • Bimpe Reply

    Great insight….. I’m so enlightened.. THANK YOU!!

    December 23, 2015 at 12:05 am
    • ffablog Reply

      You are welcome great lady, more to come! Stay ‘tuned’ to this blog! 🙂

      December 23, 2015 at 6:43 am
  • ffablog Reply

    A bad relationship/marriage can be very painful; get proven tips by SUBSCRIBING to our weekly transformational Vblogs. You will be glad you did.

    Please click here to SUBSCRIBE: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCVFkxClq9r1t95Qq7ezVlWA

    December 23, 2015 at 6:38 am

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