According to Co-operative Legal Services which surveyed over 2000 married couples and 800 divorcees, 1 in 10 divorce in the UK are caused by interfering in-laws. Little wonder research shows that many couples try to avoid their in-laws altogether. The reality is that in-laws come with the package, it’s like a ‘buy-one-get-one-free’ arrangement you see around the shopping malls, hence learning to work with them will do you good in the long run. This is often easier said than done, as I hear and see very stressful and toxic situations as I coach different couples. Some situations demand more effort, resources and patience than others. However, where there is a will, there is a way. Having said that, if your mental health or your life is being threatened, you must seek help immediately from a qualified professional. Don’t die in silence.
We must understand that sometimes, parents in-laws are only being protective of their children. At this point, we must earn their trust as worthy ‘custodians’. That way, they relax, knowing their children are in safe hands. On the other hand, if your spouse complains about the overbearing interference of your parents, siblings, Uncles and Aunts, you must do your best to consider his/her opinion seriously and objectively, rather than just dismissing it. The fact is that when we are biased and emotionally involved in a situation, the percentage of blind spots often increases, thereby hindering our judgment. Many men/women have abandoned their families because of this. Sometimes, we may still have child-parent relationship with our parents (extreme attachment) without realising it, even when we are married. This may seem harmless, particularly when it ‘serves’ you or helps you get benefits, such as financial support from your parents. However, research has shown that it obstructs the development of true bond between spouses.
Are you still calling home every minute to get advice without consulting your spouse? What would happen to you or your marriage if your parents pass on? Maintaining relationship with your parents is very healthy, but balance is the key!
THINK & ACT: Develop your relationship skills as life and marriage is about balancing relationships. Subscribe to our blog to get specialised life-changing trainings.
Chidi & Victor Akunna
Connected Hearts Daily Devotional (C) 2016
Excellent Service 054
Follow us: Pin 73E8821E