My experience with a client inspired this write up.
The first day I spoke with her over the phone, it was clear that she was scared about something. An appointment was booked for her to come in. On the day of the appointment, she called an hour before to say that she may not be able to make it. She went on to request to speak with the lady who booked the appointment, so she was put through to me. By the time I came on, she had “forgotten” what she wanted to say to me. I smelt a rat. I asked directly, “are you in an abusive relationship?”
To cut the long conversation short, she said to me, “a man should be a man. What makes a man a man is that he is tough and hard, not a sissy”. I understand that, but there is a difference between being masculine and being abusive. Yes, a man should be a man, but that does not include being “unreasonable”, as we say in legal terms. Being unreasonable includes making threats, being verbally abusive, hitting you…
She later agreed to come in. Further enquiries revealed that her man would beat her up and lock her indoors for days until the bruises healed. While locked in, he would nurse her like a lover would. After some days, he would beat her again and repeat the cycle. He didn’t want her to talk to anyone about it, he gave her the medical care she needed himself. Mind you, he is a nurse.
When she was given details of the process involved and was told that she would need to apply for a Non-Molestation Order, she suddenly changed her mind. “He beats me, he hurts me, I have broken a few bones, but he is nice; he loves me and I love him”.
Is this love?
