I Don’t Know Why This Happens – By Victor Akunna

Over 15 years ago, I took responsibility for my self-development, I threw myself into the deep end of the sea of relevant information. What amazed me the most was the tonnes of life-changing information I had no clue existed, yet I was ‘happy’ with my life at the time. It’s actually true that ignorance is bliss.

During this period, many things began to change about me. For instance, I began to drop off old habits and mindsets and picked up new ones. One of the new habits I picked up was capturing my thoughts on paper because my mind was constantly being flooded with ideas and possibilities, I saw no limits.
I would wake up in the middle of the night to scribble down thoughts on a piece of paper or jotter by my bedside. However, I learnt this the hard way because there were days I would get a flash of beautiful thoughts, but be too tired to get up to write them down. Rather, I would say to myself, do it first thing in the morning, only to completely forget what they were. According to David Crank, “the shortest pencil is better than the longest memory”.

This is why I am often surprised to see people attending seminars/workshops, especially on marriage, without taking notes. In a recent seminar I attended, while I noticed a number of couples taking copious notes and engaging in the activities, I also noticed one or two who seemed uninterested in the different learning activities others were engaging in. Unfortunately, sometimes, this is often demonstrated by people who ‘know’ or are ‘experienced’. I personally believe that neither experience nor a stable marriage should exempt us from learning because “it is what we learn after we know it all that counts” – John Wooden.

Marriage is in phases; the newlywed phase, the parenting (toddler/teens) phase, the empty nest phase and others. All these phases, coupled with life’s transitions, such as career changes, loss of income, midlife issues, menopause,… impact our marriages, so require new skills to navigate them successfully.

Action Point: Approach every learning opportunity with an open mind, don’t allow what you know become a barrier to what you can learn.

Victor Akunna
Romance & Intimacy Catalyst
www.foundationforfamilyaffairs.org