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Keeping the spark of Romance

Keeping the spark of Romance

It takes only a few minutes to get married, but a life time to build a marriage”  – Dr. Myles Munroe.
It is amazing how we sometimes stop the chase after the exchange of the wedding vows. This leaves one wondering if slipping the ring through the ring finger is synonymous with the loss of motivation. Sometimes couples express their frustration about the level of apathy and nonchalance displayed by their spouses as regards making their marriages work.

I heard a story sometime ago. This lady was chased for about 2 years by her fiancé at the time. After constantly wooing her, she said “yes”. During this period, he made all kinds of promises just to win her heart and love. Soon after they got married, she had to resign from her job to become a full-time housewife because of the conflict of interest with her husband’s job. She soon started to complain about her husband being away for the whole day, without calling or checking up on her, even while she was pregnant. This was a guy who would often call, text or ping her every 20minutes before they got married. Do some guys see their wives as another trophy on the marital cabinet?

On the other hand, some guys often complain that their wives seem to abandon them as soon as the babies start arriving. It is as though she experienced a personality change. She suddenly seems irritable, snaps at the slightest provocation, and looks untidy with stains of breast milk all over.
Personally, I wonder who is more liable for this ‘cancer’ eating up the fun and excitement within marriages. However, one thing I am certain of is that it takes two to tango. Marital romance, like anything of value, it demands work, time and creative effort to get off the ground. The only marriage we get, if left to chance, is a boring one.

I thought I may throw in some thoughts for spicing things up:
1. Valentine does not have to be once a year- you decide how often.
2. Don’t wait for a major crisis, such as an affair, to get things right.
3. Get into your spouse to find out what works (what he/she finds romantic).
4. Consider activities that help you spend time together- hobbies, sports, shopping, bathing, cooking, seeing movies together, etc.
5. Write sneaky notes containing inspirational and sexy words to be concealed in places where ONLY your spouse will find them.
6. Send the children to their grannies, and take a weekend off together.
7. Spice up your sex life by trying out some adventurous moves; routine kills excitement. (Caution: it must not degrade your spouse, injure them or go against their consent)
8. Don’t push the responsibility of being romantic to your spouse. A healthy competition here won’t be a bad idea.

You don’t need to have a fat bank account to do some of these things. Being romantic is not a natural gift; it is a skill anyone can learn.

Finally, it is not always what you do that restores your marital romance or makes your spouse respond, but the message your action communicates; which is that you value the marriage and your spouse enough to pursue an intimate relationship with him or her.
Make your hubby/wifey feel ‘hot’ again.

“Relationship is a living organism, how you nurture it determines how it will grow.”

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About Victor Akunna

Victor Akunna is a UK based Relationship Coach, and a member of The Coaching Academy, UK. He is focused on helping individuals, couples and companies build sustainable and valuable relationships with key stakeholders. He and his lovely wife, Chidi, run The Foundation for Family Affairs. You can follow him on BBM PIN 73E8821E

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