What Do You Do When Pain Gets Bigger Than Love?
How do you rebuild intimacy in a failing relationship or marriage?
What do you do when you feel lonely, distant and too tired of making another move that may explode in your face? What do you do when you don’t feel like it’s worth it?
Through out this week, we would be sharing a few tips on how successful couples move their relationships forward and how you too can. Intimacy and romance are built on principles, not chance; if you know the rules, you can replicate the results.
TIP 1: Stop the blame game. Before couples get to a terrible state in which they find it challenging to communicate without getting angry, hurling insults and slamming doors, many things would have been going wrong. One of which is the blame game – blaming the other for all the issues in the relationship. Doing this makes the partner perpetuating the blame feel good, justified and relieved, but this would be at a high cost – the cost of further alienating themselves from their spouses, driving them into the swampy soil of loneliness. Nobody gets intimate with anyone who stabs his/her heart with the blame sword, tearing down his/her emotional stamina.
Why is it wrong to blame? You focus on lose/win dynamics, that is, you want to ‘win’ at the expense of the relationship, your spouse or the marriage. You hear comments like, “I don’t care, I just want him/her to feel my pain too”. Trying to ‘win’ by blaming your spouse can become an addictive coping strategy that can erode every drop of love in the hearts of couples, leaving only hollow shells of what used to be, memories that can only be captured in the wedding album.
If blaming is a way you communicate hurt, then you must evaluate and accept the fact that you may need to learn other dialects and languages to communicate better. You can enrol on our Heart Mastery coaching program for singles or Romance Makeover Masterclass for couples and turn that relationship around. Chronic loneliness and persistent emotional hurt can affect mental health.
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Chidi & Victor Akunna
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