As with career development, performance appraisal is vital in marriage. It involves the evaluation of the performance of your spouse, seeking to understand his/her abilities, in order to foster growth and development. Performance appraisal is important because it gives spouses an opportunity to assess if the goals and expectations they have for their marriage are being achieved. This way, they know what to improve on.
No marriage is truly stagnant, thus, if performance is not appraised, the individuals in the marriage may not realise how bad things have become until there is a major crack. A certain woman once told me that she never realised how bitter she had become because her emotional needs were not being met, until one night she trash-talked her husband to the point that he stormed out of the house (something he had never done). According to Victor Akunna, “marriage answers to input; you get out of it what you put into it.” The question is, what are you ‘putting’ into your marriage? It is important to take stock.
Are your spouse’s needs being met? Does your spouse feel valued? On critical issues as parenting, finances,… does your spouse feel like a part of a team or like a total stranger?
ACTION POINT: Have a one-to-one talk with your spouse to discuss your expectations of each other in order to develop a plan of action.
Chidi & Victor Akunna
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