“Use Your Wife’s Weaknesses To Make Her Submit?”
I hope we have been learning a lot in this series, but beyond this, we must be able to apply the things we learn if we must see results. Sometimes, we may see results immediately, other times we only see results if we persist. Every seed has its own gestation period. Now, why are we passionate about seeing singles marry right? Why are we passionate about romance in marriages? Why are we passionate about strong families? Simple, the cost of getting it wrong is incredible. Marrying the wrong person, living with irreconcilable differences or living in a dysfunctional family is extremely traumatic for the spouses, their families, friends and their community. Strong families equal strong nations. Hence, this is not a job, it’s a CAMPAIGN, it’s a CRUSADE!
TIP 4: Redefine Your Past. One of the most life-changing principles I learnt many years ago is that we can change any aspect of our lives, marriage, finance, career, etc., by changing our past and present attitude and way of thinking. This is so powerful and entrenched, yet so simple that it is missed. You may ask, “why?” Principles are often tiny keys that open big doors of opportunities.
Back to our focus of today, I have observed that contrary to general beliefs that there is no school of marriage, there is. It is an informal school, where people learn about relationships with each other – men and women – during social interactions and various exchanges. These are when most paradigms, patterns, beliefs and convictions are formed. These paradigms become our version of truth and our beliefs about how marriage should be run. Unfortunately, many of these paradigms were transferred by culturally entrenched people to the next generation and without probing and questioning their validity, relevance and applicability, we carry them out. For instance, as a newly married man, someone told me to “use my wife’s weakness to keep her under, this is the only way to ensure she is submissive”. I analysed it against my own values – to equip, challenge, support and add value to people – and decided otherwise. Instantly, I knew that philosophy was destined for the waste bin.
I believe that as spouses, someone’s life must be better for being in our lives, especially by getting married to us.
Examine your convictions and begin the process of challenging them. Remember, they may be like a mustard seed, but when they grow, they become a mighty tree, wedging a gulf and disconnecting your family.
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Chidi & Victor Akunna
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