We see each other daily, we plan together, we decide the future together – our finances, our hobbies, we even share our friends and so on. Everything seems intertwined. Well, that’s part of the journey of becoming ONE, they say.
Hence, as we progress in this blissful and busy marriage and grow old together, we begin to expect each other to be there all the time. After all, we planned it together, we planned our lives together, where else would he/she be?
This is when that monster begins to show up, that monster called ‘a sense of entitlement’, which often appears with its quiet, but evil twin called… ‘taking me for granted’. Some people call it the ‘law of see finish’. It’s amazing how we quickly get used to something or someone that once wowed us.
However, the question some people may ask is, how do you know when this law has set in the most? Well, we like to keep it simple by saying, when we regularly forget – forget to say it…to say thank you for being reliable, for being a confidant, for being a great team mate; when we begin to make demands rather than requests; when we make important decisions without consulting our spouses because we ‘forgot’ or simply expected them to just go with the flow.
What do you do to turn things around?
1. Ask yourself, if you were to swap tables, how would you feel about being ignored?
2. Call yourself to order and make a decision to change things now.
3. Send a text or make a call immediately and sincerely apologise.
4. Build a new set of behaviour or rituals to ensure that you stick with your commitments, e.g. have weekly or monthly datenights, set up a reminder to send a text daily or a card weekly. Do whatever would work with your spouse, but make sure you don’t return to how things were.
Chidi & Victor Akunna
Romance and Relationship Catalysts
Photo Credit: idealistcareers.org
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