CHIDI: There are times we see spouses at each other’s ‘throat’ during conflict, both trying to ‘win’ or have the last word, forgetting that they belong to the same team. Often times, they throw caution to the wind; all they think about is uttering the meanest comments, making baseless accusations or calling each other names, even in the presence of their children. This type of behaviour stabs the heart of the relationship.
VICTOR: Every romantic marriage has a positive emotional base which is the feeling the husband and wife have about each other and about their marriage. However, this positive emotional base is often gradually, but consistently, replaced with corrosive emotions whenever the root cause of conflict is not identified and resolved effectively.
Signs that a marriage is in crisis are when couples no longer listen to or trust each other; do not consider the interest of the marriage when making important decisions; find it increasingly challenging to have regular conversations without it degenerating into an argument, etc.
What can be done to avert this situation? Never assume that you and your spouse are immune to the above situation, so it will never happen. Remember that assumptions are not facts.
ACTION POINT: If you have been following our write-ups, you should have your family vision statement by now. This time, your responsibility will be to sit down with your family in order to draft your family values (which states acceptable behaviours).
Chidi & Victor Akunna
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