Submission: The perspective of the 21st century wife – By Uju Okorie

When I was contacted to do an article on submission within the context of marriage, my response was largely the typical Nigerian “Hian! See me see trouble!”😄😄

You will understand this if you have been conversant with the recent violence making rounds on the Internet, against the word “submission”.
Indeed, the vicious attacks visited on that word within cyberspace have been unprecedented. Not even the ruthless cruelty of a US-Russian coalition nuclear missile, soon to be launched into the ISIS fortresses of Northern Iraq, sufficiently compares.

(I am assuming that Trump and Putin will be buddies, though.. 😂)

As a keen observer by lifestyle, I have spent quite some time thinking, sampling opinions and generally strolling through social media, in my bid to understand why this word has become so successful at attracting pure hatred to itself.

I’d tell you what I found and perhaps help you make a decision on what side of the fence to stand on.

The foremost group of individuals I read, are firmly of the opinion that the word submission and all of its attendant connotations should be expunged from the parlance of humans, largely because it has been abused and made synonymous to subjugation, slavery and everything sad for women.
Their arguments are strong, this lot. They tell heart-wrenching stories and make you almost believe that the Apostle Paul was anything but fair when he penned down those words, 2 millennia ago.
As a naturally empathetic person, I struggled to reject this argument, at first.
But, when I took off the garb of emotions and then put on my logic lenses, I saw differently.

To start with, I was greeted with the rawness of hypocrisy when I found that this same group of individuals would do anything to prevent the same standards from being applied to the word feminism.
According to them, whatever abuse and misapplication the word feminism has been made subject to, absolutely do not matter and bear zero significance to the cause.
You should know the real meaning, if you are honest. Google is your friend. Thank you, Sir.

But submission.. Well, submission has been blatantly abused and must be made to pay for those crimes. It must be deleted from the dictionary. Fast. No ifs, ands or buts.

Please, put your hands together for this epic display of hypocrisy. Double standard extraordinaire!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Moving on, I picked up my bible to understand again, what exactly Paul was saying to the Ephesians. And then it hit me. Paul was writing to the Ephesian Christians. I mean, Paul was writing to the Ephesian Christians. Not church-goers or Christmas celebrators or lovers of gospel music or backsliders.

His teaching on submission was not meant for you if you are not a Christian wife. It is none of your business. You have no part in it. Feel free to ignore the teaching. Your culture may have a better alternative. Thank you very much.

But, this is exactly why missiles of military proportions have been launched on this word. The world has simply refused to accept that submission in its ideal context cannot be truly applied outside a genuine Christ-centred marriage. If a husband’s heart is still controlled by the vanity of his fleshly desires, what else can he do to a woman who defers to him, but subjugate her?

Even truer is it for a woman whose heart isn’t conquered by Christ. She simply cannot submit. It is impossible. If she appears to defer to her husband in the guise of obeying God’s words, believe me, there has to be something to be gained from that action: society’s thumbs-up, financial security, feel-among handouts, it’s-the-same-everywhere values.

Is it any wonder then that the Apostle Paul made it absolutely clear to whom his letter was addressed?
“Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus..” (Ephesians 1:1).

There is really no digging beneath the surface. God’s word is always amazingly simple to any honest heart.

So, for the unbelieving woman who is yet to know whom Jesus is on a personal level, whose heart has yet to be transformed, I’m afraid you have so far wasted your time debating submission on social media. The letter was not addressed to you. You would do well to address your culture. That might be of help in ameliorating the suffering you complain about. You are welcome.

That made clear, let’s talk, believing women.
It would be a great starting point to remind you that when you signed the contract to follow the Lord, I mean, when you raised your right hand at the crusade ground, or muttered the sinner’s prayer, or fell on your knees in the secrecy of your room that cold harmattan morning, having been subdued under the conviction of the Holy Spirit from the powerful words of the morning crier; you made a decision to trust and obey.
You made a decision to submit to the entirety of the word of God. No commas.

And the word of God says: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.”
If you are an unmarried Christian woman, this command should jolt you into the realisation that your head must be chosen carefully. You cannot just choose to marry randomly and then begin to wrest and struggle with the words of the Most High when push comes to shove. It will not change a thing.

Submission means you must defer to the authority of your husband. You must respect him. You must honour him. If there is a decision to be made and your opinions differ, having discussed the pros and cons and there remains a disparity in views yet, you must let him make the final decision. It is the word of God and 21st century feminism cannot change that.

That said, the next few verses of the same Ephesians 5 always make me feel for Christian men. Indeed, God’s command to them is incomparably more difficult than His command to women.
Do you know what it means to tell a human being whose crudest instinct has been scientifically proven to be self-protection, to love someone else like Christ did the Church?
Do you at all realise as a Christian husband that you have been commanded to lay down your very life for your wife? Like, literally die for her?
I mean, her comfort comes before yours, unconditionally. Her needs are your priority at every moment in time. Her goals, her visions, her aspirations are top of your list everyday!
I don’t envy you guys, really.

And this is exactly why I insist that people who violently oppose biblical submission are either ignorant of what it truly means, or are simply being mischievous.
Seriously, why wouldn’t I submit to someone who would literally die for me?
When I am not a mad woman.

Another very crucial point is that if you, a man, have cleverly manipulated God’s word to women into a tool for slavery and subjugation of your wife, permit me to announce to you that not only are you nowhere near what biblical submission is, you are also playing with consuming fire.

I’d conclude with a story.
Royal Husbandness and I were once strolling round our neighbourhood when we chanced upon some wild-growing berries. I made to pluck a few to have a taste when he grabbed my arm. He proceeded to taste them himself while telling me to hold unto the ones I had till the next one hour.
I stared into his eyes and I understood.
“If I do not fall sick or die within the hour, then you can eat them”, they said to me.

Here was a man who would practically throw himself between harm and me.
Willingly. Unconditionally. Gracefully.

I would be a crazy lady not to submit to him. It’s that simple.

So, of the issues that have been discussed, brethren, this is the sum: Biblical submission is the easiest thing to do for a 21st century Christian woman within a Christ-honouring marriage.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

And for the Christian woman within a difficult marriage, the command to defer to, to honour and to respect, all within the limits of righteousness, still holds sway. There is a cost to be counted as a follower of Jesus Christ.
And so much more is it for a Christian man within a difficult marriage. He is still commanded to love and hold his wife in the highest regard, be she unfaithful, verbally abusive or mean-spirited. Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me, says our Lord.

He showed the example.
We must follow in His steps.

Thank you.
Blessings!

 

Uju Okorie is a Christian, wife, doctor and scientist.

She hopes her “sharp mouth” will not land her in trouble one day.
Visit her blog at your own risk: ujuconfyokorie.wordpress.com.