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Why Do You Hurt Me?

Why Do You Hurt Me?

Every human being is a creature of habit, experts say that it takes 21days to form a new habit. This is a common word which finds expression in our daily lives, but what is a habit and how do we form the right ones that can transform our marriage? According to Oxford dictionary, a habit is “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up”. As we develop, get married and build our lives with our spouses, we tend to bring into the relationship habits from our past as we form new ones. Some of these hinder true and intimate connection with our spouses, such that if not checked, they can grow into a ‘7-foot wall’, driving spouses apart.

Talking about habits, if you are the type of man or woman who rarely forgives because you believe that “if people are careful, there will be no need to forgive anything in the first place”, “don’t hurt me and expect forgiveness”, you will end up hurting and alienating someone you profess to love passionately. What habits are ruining your relationship and marriage? Are you often rude when annoyed? Do you spend recklessly without your spouse’s consent when you get your salary? Do you secretly watch pornographic movies? Do you discuss or complain about your spouse to your parents and siblings? Do you just run around doing the same things over and over again without making measurable progress?

The quality of your relationship, courtship and marriage is based on the habits you have formed. To have a better marital romance, you must become a better person. Your change starts with you, not your spouse.
THINK & ACT: Take some time out to evaluate the triggers that start such behaviour, the action you take immediately and the benefit you gain from it. Knowing these will help you form another habit to replace the old ones. Consider getting your spouse and if possible, a qualified coach involved.
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Chidi & Victor Akunna
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