May and Tony have been married for 13 years. Everyone around them considers them lovebirds. In fact, they are the #couplegoals of a lot of single people. Things seem fine to everyone, but them. They live in the same house, but do not speak to each other; they communicate through their children. If there is something very important to say, one of them would pass the message on to the other through one of the children.
How do couples get to this point? How do couples who used to be lovers become haters? How do couples who used to be so intimate become roommates?
A certain woman once said, “I don’t know how we became like this, it seems we both were possessed by something we do not even know”. Truth is, nothing just happens, there are issues that, if left unresolved, or not handled properly, become ‘monsters’.
Is one of you getting distracted? It could be subtle. You may even shrug your shoulder, click your middle finger against your thumb and scream, “God forbid!” Stop! Ask yourself, what could be the distraction?
Work?
Sometimes, when couples are preoccupied with so much at work or committed to a certain project, they give their all to the success of the project and do not realise that their homes are suffering.
Distraction could even be your relationship with a friend – friend of the same sex. If you are giving more time to that relationship than you should be giving to your marriage, it could affect a lot of things. Your spouse may feel less important and withdraw, accepting the fact that he/she is not priority after all.
Another distraction could be a new flame. You may not be physically involved with this person, but you may be spending a lot of time with him/her, seeking suggestions on sensitive issues you should ideally go to your spouse for, or having thoughts of this person fill your mind. There are cases in which a spouse gets caught in the web – emotionally attached to someone – and does not realise that it is affecting their marriage until things get so bad. This is not the time to leave your ‘falling’ spouse to him/herself; stop allowing the gulf between you to get wider, approach him/her and do a reality check ASAP.
There are other distractions I am unable to deal with here. In another article, I will consider other factors that may be responsible for emotional disconnection between spouses.
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